A 4 word question..

An answer..

led to..

Many thoughts..

Many feelings..

Many confusions..

Many questions..

Many unanswered..

All afraid to be heard

One Conclusion

-

The first time I met her..

She seemed like the average ordinary girl..

But an ordinary girl who is much filled with so much laughter..

She hated me to the core as I was a constant menace to her..

Making fun and intimidating her constantly..

Who won't hate me..

I even made her cry once when I tied her pants together..

But subsequently made her smile and laugh..

She was attached to someone else then..

Slowly our friendship grew with a few others..

She's got that unique way of doing things that makes everyone wanna be with her..

Maybe it's her bubbly and cheerful nature..

I did find her rather attractive for awhile..

Constantly noticing her in class..

Knowing she's attached, I never proceeded further..

Well.. I can't possibly proceed to have a relationship with anyone whom I see to be attractive..

Anyway it was only an attraction, nothing else..

-

After that semester..

We seperated, different class I meant..

Still somewhat closely connected as friends..

The attraction was always there..

It never faded..

-

Soon I was attached to someone..

It was one hell of a ride..

Nothing much to remember..

I broke off after a few months..

-

Weeks passed..

A new feeling grew..

It was special..

It was uncontrollable..

It just grew and grew..

I wanted to know more about her..

I wanted to know what she's thinking

I wanted to be with her..

I was staggered by her beauty and unassuming grace..

But looking at the position we're in..

I strongly doubt I am in the position to even have all these thoughts..

It was so morally wrong..

-

Soon many stuff happened..

She broke off reluctantly I supposed..

She loved him alot from my point of view..

I guess it was the love of her life..

A love that noone can replace in her future..

-

Little did I expect she liked me..

By then I already loved her..

I got to know her alittle better..

I knew she still loved him..

I did seriously thought of talking to him..

Hoping to knock some senses into him..

It would be a benefit not only to her but to the both of them..

Cause I believe if 2 people loves each other..

They should be together..

People get distracted and feelings sway from right to left..

By doing something about that..

Bonds get stronger..

-

After a few weeks..

We got closer and closer together..

I got more and more sensitive towards her..

I will do anything for her..

She brought me peace, fun, laughter and painted the first rainbow of my life..

She's someone who respected my for who I am..

I could be totally honest with her..

Being with her was simply so comfortable..

It's was like being in Heaven..

-

Her absence made me miss her like i had never missed before..

Her absence made me feel very lonely..

Like the world is coming to an end..

I wasn't in the mood to do anything..

When I was moody..

All she needs to do was show me a little concern..

Maybe a hug or a kiss or just a listening ear..

I'll be fine and back to my normal self..

It's like a remedy to an incurable disease..

-

Soon many stuff happened..

Some guy by the name of Alexis appear out of nowhere..

It did give me alittle insecurity..

Made me think whether all of these was an illusion..

I cried for quite sometime..

I'm someone who is quite emotional but i won't show it out in public..

Neither am I someone who knows how to express his thoughts through actions or words..

When I found out she still had feelings for him..

I somehow thought..

"that's it.. she'll go back to him"

Though very disappointed..

Eventually manage to convince myself that..

"hey this is her life.. it's her choice.. I love her and should respect her for who she is.. I wouldn't want someone to disrespect my decisions"

I was prepared to see both of them get back together smiling down the aile while I overlook them saying "i do", puting on their rings and onlooking the bouquet of flowers being thrown into the air, hopping onto a car which stated "JUST MARRIED", and waving at me shouting "Goodbye"..

I assured her that it's alright to still have feelings for him..

As I took about a year to get over the death of my first girlfriend..

Moreover she had a relationship with him for about 2 years..

2 years is not easy to come by..

Trails and tribulations were overturned..

Fights and quarrells were resolved..

Romance and memories were enjoyed..

Happiness and sadness were there..

They were there for each other..

-

I'm someone who is passionate about relationship and love..

I'll go all out to do my best to see flowers bloom in the worst soils..

After 2 relationships..

I was quite tired about it..

Others may have 5-6 or even more..

But I don't think I have that stamina..

There's nothing to be proud of to have alot of past relationships..

Thus I chose to make this my last one..

To give my all and hope for the best to come..

If it fails..

I'll probably not want to pursue another..

-

In conclusion..

She'll definitely never know how much I love her..

Though I would really like to know where am I placed in her heart..

Nevertheless I'll always be with her, guiding her, supporting her or even be her punching bag to vent her fustrations at..

I know jealousy has got in my way a couple of times..

Sometimes she gives me the feeling that I'm just a normal friend to her..

Still I'll love her..

I do not want my jealousy to become a tool to control her actions..

What's love when that is present..

Loving someone doesn't mean you got to be with him/her..

Just show him/her what you can do to for him/her..

Personally, there's no such word as sacrifice..

I think sacrifice is something we do at the last resort..

But I'll do anything for her..

Cause there's only a love that I have possessed that I hope the world will have..

An Unconditonal Love..

I love you