Moo Oink

2007-11-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

depression

anger

breaking down

worthless

burnout

stress

hate

sick

dead

2007-11-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

I'm confused..

I'm bothered..

I'm hurt..

I don't know what to do..

Someone please help me..

The person i trusted the most lied..

It's not like I doubted and went abt questioning..

but the truth just came to light accidentally..

it was really accidental..

because someone taught I was someone else..

and apologized to me..

which in the end I got to find out the truth..

How i wished it never happened..

I rather believed the lie then feel this way..

Everyday I wake up in the morning with this matter in my mind..

Knowing the truth sparked a chain of events..

I starting thinking..

what's with me that you don't like..

Is my care and concern suffocating you??

Am i such a lousy boyfriend??

Or am I getting boring to you??

Unnaturally I wasn't angry..

but I was just sad, disappointed and confused..

You lied to me with a smile and

continue your activities like nothing had happened..

where am I in you??

how many "i have reached home"s are actually lies in the past..

how long have I been a fool..

how many times have I been worrying and..

getting so worked up and concern..

which in fact is all for nothing??

you found out I knew the truth..

but you still defended yourself..

to me it shows how you see me as..

a wall that hinders your way..

I also started thinking..

how many times in the past I sent you home early..

not knowing you actually did not want to go home yet..

What's next? a truth or a lie?

How to differentiate?

The person you trusted the most lied to you..

yet to say the rest that you don't really trust in..

I really wanna die..

The window is wide open everyday every night..

7 stories isn't much of a feat..

maybe a long deep coma is nice..

I want to start trusting..

my trust-0-meter has been peaking and dipping..

but this fell way lower than it ever fell..

I so want to get over this matter..

It's killing me..

Starting the day thinkin about it..

ending the day thinkin about it..

How I wish I had a USB in my head..

I'll plug into the computer..

and delete that file..

everyone lies..

even saying you're alright when you're not..

is also a lie..

but how significant is it compared to lying to fulfill one's needs/ wants..

Honestly I used to be a faithful Christian..

Read the bible faithfully..

Attained the 2nd Stage out of 3 stages of Christian Education in my CCA..

Attend service on every Sunday..

I believed and trusted in God that he will make my life a better one..

but after a series of events happened in my family and in my life..

I began to lose faith in Him..

My dad contracted cancer..

I had frequent quarrels with my family, friends and girlfriend..

I started not to believe in Him..

I regarded the bible as a book of lies..

I did not hate it nor did I hate Him..

just that I percieved it as something not true..

which I spent 4 years putting my strength and faith in..

and it turned out to be a fiasco..

But I still believe He is still there.. somewhere..

So now..

God..

I know you're out there..

Help me with this matter..

It's like a dead end..

I really love her very much..

you know it better than I do

I have lied too..

Not once but many times..

Forgive me and teach me how to forgive others including myself..

I want to be the clown like I used to be in the past..

making people laugh at me or my jokes..

I want to smile naturally instead of forcing one..

I want to regain my appetite and my sleep..

to start everyday healthy and awake..

Please help me..

Amen..

- A sinner -

2007-11-12T10:32:00.000+08:00

wats the joy in lying?

it takes another lie to cover up that lie..

and it takes another one to cover up again..

and it goes on..

and after awhile..

it's a huge pile of lies..

and when the truth comes to light..

it's so hurting..

and it takes another lie to reason why you ly..

to make a person believe the lie..

is the same as misplacing the trust of the person..

or simply to say just taking the person for granted..

even an apology doesn't plaster the wound of a lie..

especially when it happens all over again..

why ly if you don't like it to be done to yourself..

wats the joy in it?

2007-11-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

was browsing through my baby photos..

when i chanced upon photos..

of my late grandmother's..

all of a sudden i miss her so much..

i miss her food..

i miss her hugs..

i miss her presence..

i miss her warmth..

i miss her love..

tears just trickled down my eyes..

i miss you..

i can never forget that day..

when you spoke your last few words to me..

i'll always remember you, grandma.

2007-11-02T13:42:00.000+08:00

I have never asked you to choose..

All I hoped for was some genuine attention..

which i never had..

O_X =))

2007-10-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

Emology..

Whenever I'm down..

or I feel alone..

I'll browse through the photos we took in the past..

it's because that's the time I really enjoyed myself..

it reminds me those times spent..

and a glimpse of hope that it will happen again..

as promised when we crossed our fingers..

combined with striking our thumbs..

These few days..

I've been viewing the photos quite frequently..

I feel very transparent..

It's like I'm starting to be a nobody..

I don't feel special to you anymore..

I felt special in the past..

you made me feel so but not now..

I begin to feel secondary and neglected..

It's been a long time since..

we went out together without any distractions..

We usually meet after class or go out and have fun..

just the 2 of us and noone else..

laughing and joking without anyone disturbing..

movies on Fridays are like mandatory..

Everyday when the day ends..

there was a hunger to go out with each other..

avoiding the ever much noisy crowd..

spending the rest of the day peacefully..

before calling a day..

now..

everything have changed..

it's so secondary..

I'm like a 2nd-hand item..

worries fills in..

when your absence is in my presence

i'm having alot of difficulties..

getting used to the changes..

as everyday i start my day..

with the same feel 8 months ago..

the feeling which never changed..

despite the environmental change..

still as strong and passionate as before..

maybe that's why i break down more often these days..

i go home with a heavy heart..

my legs are weak and my mind is heavy..

but my soul still believes in O_X =))..

as said..

"The higher you climb..

the deeper you fall "..

I need to get use to all of these..

As i personally forecast..

I'm going weather this storm for a very long time..

Where has all those promises made, gone to?

I'm slpy..

I wanna get my PP done..

but ain't in the mood..

I miss sailing..

I miss driving the boats..

I miss doing many stuff..

Browse through the photos..

finally booked the Singapore Flyer sucessfully..

14 Match 2008 will be the special day..

hope nothing crops up on that day..

I'm not giving up..

Cause I believe..

Tomorrow will be a better day..

Goodnight world..

Goodnight =)) ..

O_X =))

2007-10-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

It's not Christmas yet..

But I really want to make one wish..

i wish ...

O_X =))

2007-10-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt..

when you're in a situation..

which you needed that someone..

that someone so important to you..

to be by your side..

but he/she is never there..

and you feel so alone..

even if 500 friends comes to find you..

It doesn't make the difference, that someone makes..

because as said..

that someone is so important to you..

and he/she is bothered by something secondary..

but he/she thinks it's more primary compared to you..

which you think isn't as important..

It certainly is disappointing and sad..

It spoils the rest of the day..

and maybe the week..

I felt like killing myself in order not to feel like this again..

but i chose to persevere..

hopefully there's a change in the cards..

O_X =))

2007-10-25T15:35:00.000+08:00

無視される

2007-10-25T10:55:00.001+08:00

sick & alone..

haizz

2007-10-25T08:36:00.000+08:00

i wish that you were here right now..

2007-10-22T00:22:00.000+08:00

So much of a promise..
it's 12:22am..
she said she'll be home before 12..
she'll message me when she reach home..
till now.. 0 messages..
I've woked up 3 times in the past 1 hour..
wondering if she's home..
eyes red of insufficient sleep..
all paranoid and worried..
don't dare to message her..
infraid she finds me irritating while she's having fun..
haiz..
where are you..

2007-10-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

People say singlehood rocks..

I say both of them doesn't rock..

People say singlehood rocks..

simply to find an excuse to..

shoo away from their problems..

When I was about the break with my ex..

I too taught singlehood was great..

Free from problems..

And when I was single..

It felt great..

But all those greatness will come to an end..

when you start to like someone..

And when the feeling comes to a limit..

That you want be with her/him..

That's when you think singlehood sucks..

It's the feeling that you want to be with him/her but you can't..

So how ironic is it when people say..

"singlehood rocks"..

So my cousin has a boyfriend..

He's from the Navy..

While she's a speech therapist..

and a councellor in KK Womens Hosp..

Sound like a nice couple huh!?

Well I think they are..

So had a long chat with that cousin a few hours ago..

Been pouring why I felt so lousy this weekend..

So in conclusion..

I am going to be more flexible..

I got to admit..

I'm constantly reminded of my 1st gf..

the feeling of loosing her..

and maybe that's why..

I'm so concerned or..

maybe too concerned over the current one..

that she may feel suffocated..

She has always have a choice..

a choice of own freewill..

Maybe i was too demanding..

I had always wanted to be with her 24/7..

And whenever I am free..

I wouldn't mind finding her/ being with her..

rather I want to..

But I can't possibly make her as free as me..

she has her family and friends..

I have a family and friends..

but most of them just high-bye friends..

thus I am usually much more free..

I can't possibly be with her whenever I want to..

I got to give some thought about what she really wants..

maybe she wants to be with others on that day..

or do what she likes..

She's someone who is popular among people esp guys..

I have to live with that..

She does things unknowingly that makes other turn their heads..

whenever there's fun..

She forgets everything else..

Cousin told me..

It's never easy to fight jealousy..

as it goes down deep in the person's character..

Do what I do best..

And try not to control things not within my range..

And also to do it with a smile in the heart..

And that's what I'm striving for..

I'm feeling all emo now..

And emo atmostphere but a determined heart..

I love her with all my heart..

Those lies.. those wrongdoings..

those tears.. those pain..

Were all forgiven..

Was playing around with my Facebook account..

Designed my room..

I hope it'll be like this soon..

iLOVEyou-

O_X =))

2007-10-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

14th Oct..

Marks 8months of relationship..

8months of fun, love, laughter and quarrels..

Since that day..

I had random thoughts in my mind..

I ponder upon them..

And at the end of those thoughts..

A smile was produced..

Through these 8months..

Things have changed..

I've begin to understand more about her..

I begin to believe in both myself and her..

and most importantly..

I begin to believe in us..

Quarrels in future will evolve as time goes by..

It's inevitable..

But I efficant that we have the ability to overcome them..

I really want this to work out..

Even the most simple way will do..

I've made a commitment..

And will always keep to it..

I'm prepared to wait 5.. 10.. 15years..

Even if she decides to go overseas for her career or studies..

I've found trust and acceptance in us..

I once feel that her loud voice is very irritating..

And I know it just won't change..

I put it to myself..

I will change..

If others can accept her..

So can I as I love her more than they do..

I just want a simple relationship..

Simple is good..

O_X =))

2007-10-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

Trust..

My trust first plunged..

when you told me you still loved him..

I managed to bring it back up..

You lied..

I still trusted..

People spreading rumours saying..

you with so-and-so blah blah blah in the presence of me..

I felt jealous..

Not once but many times..

but I still trusted..

I knew you're someone who really..

Takes into account what others thinks of you..

I just said some stuff that hope will get the message across..

And my trust was doubted..

My heart sank..

It's always me putting myself in your shoes..

Not that I've not tried..

I have..

I always try my best to..

but how about my shoes..

Many at times it's always about understanding you..

Little at times it's always about understanding me..

Attention is what you liked..

I gave all of mine..

I just hoped to have a little of yours..

maybe a little more..

Because you're someone impt to me..

Whatever you do is always right..

whatever I do that you don't seem right is always wrong..

Something goes wrong..

Regardless of whose fault..

I always feel guilty..

If this ends..

So will I meaning my life..

And I'm sure it doesn't make much of a difference..

Because I'm just another human..

everyone make use of..

Noone gives a farking damn about me..

I just hate myself for the way I am..

The character I have..

The actions I make..

and the thoughts I have..

2007-09-23T13:35:00.000+08:00

I'm just not boyfriend material..

Since the start..

I was the problem..

I'm disappointed with myself..

Still I love her..

O_X =))

2007-09-11T00:19:00.000+08:00

I feel very lousy now..

Very disappointed..

Very sad..

Suddenly have to give up..

everything I've planned..

The phonecalls made..

The drafting done..

All the time spent..

The information searched..

The questions asked..

All the effort put in..

and all the hopes..

Just gone..

The higher the hopes..

the deeper the plunge..

I had high hopes..

that's why my heart's just fell deep.. deep..

Thinking about it alone..

makes me wanna break down..

It's going to plague me for a couple of days..

maybe weeks..

I'm really disappointed.. very..

how meaningful is sorry..

when it happens all over again..

life's not always pleasant..

mine i guess is just that bumpy..

I'll ride this bumpy road..

with whatever determination I still have..

as long as you are..

happy

O_X =))

2007-09-08T10:21:00.000+08:00

2007-09-08T09:52:00.000+08:00

2007-09-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

Friday night..

A night I always look forward to..

A night which all worries..

and misunderstandings are forgotten..

A movie..

A meal at NYDC..

Friday was like a compulsory day out for both of us..

But tonight..

It's different..

After a hot tiring day..

Anyone would want..

to be able to go out with their love ones..

to be able to cuddle with them..

or get a good comfortable massage..

or even a simple meal..

to end the day with high spirits..

Not for today..

I feel alone..

alone in the world..

I feel I've been taken for granted..

My care..

my kindness..

my understanding..

my love..

taken for granted..

Now at 2333..

She's not yet replied my sms..

She was last heard in a pub with her friends..

who dragged her there..

What friends drags their friends to places they..

knew they wouldn't want to go..

1 and a half hours earlier..

she said she would be leaving soon..

as she don't like the place nor the drinks..

And both of us know..

She can't hold alcohol well..

Everyone has friends..

these are humans you get alone with..

Other then your family and relatives..

people you go out and chill out with..

some are good some are bad..

It's good to have friends..

I have no lightest intention to stop her from having friends..

Just that maybe I'm overly protective..

Which I guess why my parents also worries about me..

1 and a half hours later..

I hear nothing from her..

If you are in my position..

How would you feel..

I AM SO FARKING WORRIED..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I shout at my mum, sis and maid..

at the slightest irritation I encounter..

sorry..

I'm just not in the mood..

I've always thought for her..

and about her..

Everyday without fail..

I will think..

how is she..

has she eaten..

is she hungry..

is she sick..

is she safe..

does she need anything..

what should i buy for her..

where should we go later..

what will she like..

what surprises would I give her..

when would be a good time to meet her..

how to make her feel comfortable..

what... where... how... when...

I've always thought about her..

never once put myself before her..

Many a times..

I feel I have only a friend..

yes.. 'a' friend.. 1 friend..

which is also my girlfriend..

the rest seemed like a "Hi-Bye" friend..

you see them - Hi..

and after that before you part - Bye..

and the cycle goes on and on..

haiz..

What am I to everyone out there..

I really wanna know..

a son? a friend? a loved one? an enemy?

a special someone? someone useful to your schemes?

or?

Sighing has been 2nd nature to me today..

Sitting at Pasir Ris with all these random thoughts..

flowing through the empty head..

relishing past memories both pleasant and not..

I really feel like jumping into the ocean..

and drown myself..

But there's a wall that stopped me..

A wall built by promises made..

promises not yet broken..

nor fulfilled..

Bottomline..

I miss her..

I'm farking worried..

And a tear just fell..

Goodnight world..

Goodnight dear..

wherever you are..

iLOVEyou-

O_X =))

2007-09-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

iLOVEyou-

O_X =))

2007-08-30T21:18:00.000+08:00

A hopeful day which ended on a negative note..

Was plagued with a swollen gum as soon as I woke up..

Can't talk properly..

Can't eat properly..

neither can I close my mouth comfortably..

It irritated the whole damn day..

But nevermind..

I was going to meet my dear =)) for lunch before she went to work..

Manage to withstand the agony the whole morning..

Lunch was great..

Macdonalds, Patrick and Pooh filled the morning..

After she went to work..

I left for Suntec for Comex'07..

Heaps of people as expected..

Sony had the biggest exhibit..

Covered the whole Level 3..

Saw my classmates..

Michelle, Hsi Yin, Marlene and a few fellow RP students..

Recieved a SMS from dear that she wasn't feeling well..

Opt her to ask her manager if she could leave early..

I wasn't sure if I should send her home..

As I promised my Dad that I would be home by 7pm for dinner..

But I want her to feel loved and cared for when she's sick..

I want to make her feel that there's someone beside her..

To see that her needs are cared for..

So that all the chores undone are being cared for..

To ensure her that she's not alone..

To let her know that I'm there for her..

Followed my heart..

So in the end got reprimanded by my Dad..

But I did not mind..

Made the decision..

collected my consequences..

Made my way back to Vivo..

With a worried feeling wondering how she's doing..

Intended to bring her to her family clinic..

in the end..

got shouted at..

haiz..

I don't know why I had to be shouted at..

Maybe I'm too dumb and stupid..

I was so worried sick..

I was happy that you could go home and rest..

Wanted to be there for you..

To care for you..

The moment you shouted..

I felt hurt..

The pain that plagued my mouth the whole day..

was nothing compared..

to the pain felt in my heart at that split second..

On the way to her house..

My Dad messaged me..

wth..

I'm already 22 and i feel treated like a 16yr old..

The whole day's issue made me very pissed..

pissed and sad..

So that was my day..

A hopeful day which ended on a negative note..

I hope tomorrow will be better..

And even though the nxt whole week was worse..

I am confident a better day will come..

O_X =))

2007-08-29T22:54:00.000+08:00

Finally had the chance to spend time with her for a day..

though it was a mere eat and eat and eat..

Morning went for dental appointment..

PAINFUL..

It was the most bloodied and painful appointment..

2 screws inside my tooth..

Next would be the crown..

which would be on December..

After appointment met up with my dear..

She wore the spongebob shirt..

which I search high and low..

and manage to find it in Bugis Village after 1.5hrs..

She looked really cute in it..

She was not feeling well..

so took a cab to Bedok..

Pop by the doctor..

Nothing major..

Went to makan then went to my house..

She took a HUGE nap..

After that went to Chinatown to have dinner..

Then proceeded to Cineleisure to take Neoprints..

I LOVE THEM !!!..

hAhA..

After that walk walk arond taka..

And sent her to the bus stop home..

End of the day with her..

Though it's just the simple things..

within a short time..

I simply enjoyed it..

Thanks Dear..

O_X =))

iLOVEyou-

2007-08-27T20:01:00.000+08:00

Emo..

I'm feeling so alone again..

I miss her all over again..

Can't stop thinking about her..

Will this holiday be like the previous one..

I really hope we can spend more time together..

Be it the simple things or the hard things..

I am telling myself everyday..

To be more forgiving and less sensitive..

I don't mind spending time with her..

Doing something that I don't like..

I wanna go tanning, swimming, cycling etc...

I wanna embrace her everyday..

Kissing her goodbye..

Tucking her to bed..

Whispering sweet nothings into her ears..

Seeing her laugh-out-loud..

when making a fool out of myself..

After everything I've done..

the energy..

the time..

the thoughts..

the sacrifices..

the pain..

the tears..

is it all worthwhile..

I'm all emo-ing again..

So what happened sinced I last blogged..

School holidays has started..

Had a great time with my classmates at K-box..

Great friendly and inspiring people of all types..

Had the best Western Circuit ever..

Waterfest this year was a fiasco to me personally..

She finally started work during the holidays..

Caught Ratatouille as promised with her..

Nice show - Anyone can cook..

I'm gonna try cooking..

George can cook.. so can I..

Oh wait.. Can he cook?

Caught The Bourne Ultimatum twice

My favorite movie for this year..

I'm gonna get the 3 parts once they are all out in stores..

Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy & Bourne Ultimatum..

Wishes for the next few weeks..

Just one..

To be able to have time for each other..

I MISS YOU SO MUCH !!!!!

O_X =))

*miss-ed *love-ed

2007-08-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

FYP Presentation was finally over..

It wasn't that bad afterall..

I'm proud of my team and the effort they had put in..

Well done guys !!!

Actually I find all the 3 facilitators alright..

They pose numerous questions..

It's their job to do so..

To facilitate us in our learning and our progress..

Though there was a particular remark that was kinda unpleaseant..

Still..

Their conclusion was..

Nothing to worry; Your presentation was great!

Maybe it's the quality of our presentation..

compared to the rest of the teams..

that made us pull through safely..

This is definitely something to be proud of..

I definitely hope we'll not get complacent..

instead take it as an encouragement for the nxt semester..

FYP down..

2 more to go..

PP and O level..

Bennett jia you !!!..

Post FYP programme..

Went to town to catch a movie with =))..

Movie was Secret..

Not my type of movie..

But it was a movie =)) wanted to watch so much..

Moreover I promised to watch with her..

And I do not want to break that promise..

So decided to accompany her..

I'll do anything to spend time with her..

After the movie..

Went to Heeren for NeoPrints..

It was fun..

Not as fun as the previous time we were there..

We had a hard time decorating the photos..

So after that..

=)) went to MAC to pluck her eyebrows..

While she was plucking..

Me went walking..

Walked into LV and Coach boutique..

"Look look see see think think"..

After tt went back to find my dear..

Pluck Pluck Pluck..

FINISH !!!..

She was gorgeous..

After that proceeded to Food Republic for dinner..

Chicken Rice set for 2 was our dinner..

After that roam around Wisma before sending her to the busstop..

Reached home got reprimanded from Dad..

Spent kinda alot of $$$ in an expense of 2 weeks..

Edited my FYP report again after Tony asked me to add a few stuff..

and here I am blogging..

Tomorrow Biomedical Instrumentation..

I really don't feel like going to school..

But at the same time..

I wan to be with her..

I know she wants to go school..

Because of the company there..

The classmates and stuff..

So I am going to school..

I was very disappointed she lied to me..

Even the simplest issue like going to sleep..

But still I love her more and more each day..

Goodnight my love..

O_X =))

2007-08-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

It was a start of a new day..

But some issues and feelings still lingered..

At least the sun was up and shining brightly..

The wind that was absent last weekend..

Came and stayed obediently..

Everything favoured the Race Committee..

Went to Mark 1..

Layed the mark once..

Ran 4 races..

Many stuff happened..

Got into a quarrell with someone..

which the rest of the committee hated..

Too bad for me..

He accompanied me to Mark 1..

So after 4 races..

Brought =)) over to RSYC for the dinner..

Got her the regatta shirt..

She saw her plump and cute skipper from Lunchcutter..

He had a huge "fender" infront of him..

which made home look like teletubbies..

So makan makan makan..

Sent her home..

And here I am blogging..

Sleeping soon to wake up early..

Dad's leaving for China early in the morning..

And I'm fetching him..

so Goodnight Men and Women..

Special Goodnights to my darling =))

And Sweetest of Dreams..

O_X =))

2007-08-04T07:40:00.000+08:00

Yes..

I was disappointed and sad..

When I found out she lost our ring..
-
Actually..

I felt funny for a very long time..

Wearing our ring alone..

it took me some time to put off the idea..

-
So I read her most recent post..

Wasn't angry or disappointed with her..

Instead was disappointed and angry with myself..

I know she did not had any intention at all..

But I just can't help it..

I should not have cancelled the kayaking trip..

And instead chose to get her right wrist fixed..

I wanted to get her wrist fixed as it concerns her health..

but it seems it's a very wrong decison..

I always seem to make stupid decisions..

I should have known she doesn't fancy rings..

I would't have not bought them..

And all of these wouldn't have happened..

There's no ring to be lost..

No tears to be shed..

No feeling to be hurt..

Buying those rings were also my decision..

No more rings?
-
She asked me why sometimes I feel sad and moody..

I feel this way not because of my studies or my family..

But because sometimes she makes me feel very lousy..

I've put all my attention and focus into the relationship..

But sometimes I feel unnoticeable..

I hoped to get more attention..

I feel I'm a nobody to her at times..

Other times I get jealous..

Overheard conversations saying..

she and so-and-so like very close..

wonder so-and-so like her blah blah blah..

Am I invisible or something?

I don't know how to tell her how i feel..

It's really not that simple..

I guess that's how I become either moody or sad..

Then I would feel rather sensitive to whatever she does..

Her little laughter with someone else..

or a little action..

It makes me feel angrier..

On a few occasions she accidentally mentioned..

my so-and-so..

and on one occasion mentioned her ex-boyfriend's name..

It made me feel sad..

There was once in the start of everything..

that I found out she still liked her ex..

It made me very sad..

So I did hope it wouldn't be a repeat..

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive..

I don't know..

but it just made me super lousy..

Those were some of the lousier days..

Still I'm happy to be with her..

To hope and share the rest of life with her..

Everyone..

Taxi driver, my Race Management friends, my classmates etc.

says she's a very nice girl..

And Yup..

I have I am I will..

Put my heart and soul..

and will cherish her..

Cause..

I just love her so much..

O_X =))

2007-07-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

So how did my birthday went?

PERFECT !!!!

Both 25th and 26th ended on a high note..

although i was still feeling sick due to a fever the day before..

25th morning started out great..

Was soundly in bed when my hp vibrated..

=)) reach bedok interchange le..

She's coming over to my house to fetch me to school..

I felt rather weak and I did not feel like going to school for FYP..

but I skipped last week's meeting..

thus this week's is a MUST go for me..

So =)) came to my house for awhile..

She gave me my first present of the day..

A board she decorated..

Simply beautiful..

I'm looking at the board now..

A board full of photos and a sailboat behind..

Lots of hardwork is being put into this..

Thanks to her I manage to catch some sleep..

It just feel so comfortable with her around..

Left for FYP after a few hours..

Usual stuff for FYP..

Not gg to elaborate..

After FYP..

=)) decided to go to Suntec City for dinner..

Though a little fishy..

She usually ask me to decide on where to go after school..

this time it's different..

It was a little fishy..

But I did not pursue..

As I was feeling really tired and weak..

Thanks to the cough medicine..

We had some Japanese food for dinner..

=))'s treat !!! Thanks dear..

It's was quite delicious..

After dinner =)) decided to go Raffles City for ice cream !!!..

She seems to all of a sudden wanna eat huh !!!

So off we went to Raffles City..

We went candles hunting..

Initially wanted to go to BakerzInn to blow my birthday cake..

but it was closed - Renovation..

So ended up at Ben&Jerry..

Waited for =)) for a few minutes..

She appeared..

But what she appeared with surprised me..

Something that no girl or human has ever given me..

A Daisy + a strangled cow attached to the stalk..

I was so touched..

I forced back my tears..

I never expected her to do that..

The Daisy was super pink..

with petals that are so beautifully grown..

I really can't describe how i actually feel at that time..

A mixture of joy, shocked, surprised, touched etc..

It was the best 25th July I ever had..

The drowsiness from the cough medicine seem to have disappeared..

but wait !!!!..

it's not over..

=)) bought a Mango Sorbet + waffle with a candle..

I rewished my wishes..

blew the beautiful cake..

munch munch munch..

Enjoying my time with her..

It was heavenly..

My birthday did not end yet..

It was full of surprises i must say..

After desert..

I fetch =)) home..

Managed to book a cab after 30mins..

Cab came Comfort XXX 2422 X..

24 <-- =)) Birth Date

22 <-- O_X's age as of today..

And the cab driver was really so nice..

He's so funny.. making the long trip home seem rather short..

It's not his driving that is fast..

It's his way of making his customers feel comfortable..

Yup.. I agree with him..

=)) is a rare fine these days..

And that's why I am cherishing her all this while..

And will continue to do so..

25th ended on a high note..

to me.. It's like a fairy tale ending..

26th???

My class E44B celebrated my birthday..

When you see the photos..

You'll think I'm a God..

Cause the food they bought for me..

Looks like offering to a God.. Haha..

Muah chee.. donuts.. durian puff.. exotic drink (made in china)..

tea leaf egg.. 22 candles.. fish strips with multiple sauces..

mix fruits with chilli sauce..

What an offering..

I'm sure the Gods would be so touched by their sincerity yeah???

haha..

Here are the faithful worshippers:

Michelle, Priscilla, George, Avan, Marlene, Hsi Yin and of coz..

My dearest........ =)) !!!

Thanks a million to them for the effort and time they put in..

to prepare for the "ritual"..

Thanks guys !!!

Next up would be Priscilla and Hsi Yin's birthday..

I'm gonna be a faithful worshipper too..

So far..

I've had the best 25th July ever..

Special thanks to someone very special to me..

someone I hold in a secret compartment in my heart..

a compartment which holds only 1 person..

a person that make me think of her everyday..

missing her everyday even when she's just beside me..

a person whom I find a reason living..

a person whom I don't mind going to extra mile for..

a person whom I wanna spend the rest of my life with..

and that someone/ person is..

Soh Wan Ping aka =))

Dear

I love you

O_X

O_X =))

2007-07-23T22:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday =)) accompanied me to NSC..

For the Sakae-Noss Byte and Optimist Championships

and The Windsurfing Championship..

Supposed to attend the..

Singapore Polytechnic Student Yacht Club Handover Ceremony..

But chose to go out with =))..

So we went to Changi Airport..

To celebrate my birthday which was on 25th July..

So settled for Swensons and she got me Firehouse Happy Birthday..

3 ice cream flavors + 1 candle on a banana..

She sang a Happy Birthday song..

So nice of her..

She was shy though.. haha

After that..

Sent her to Kallang..

And headed home myself..

Today..

School as usual..

UT as usual..

After sch took a bus from Woodlands interchange..

to macdonalds near her hse..

It was a pleasant bus ride..

She was catching up on her sleep..

While I was trying to catch mine too..

Today..

Had dinner..

And =)) secretly bought a slice of mango cake..

from Bengawan Solo..

Thanks dear..

So left for her house..

and we blew my 22nd birthday's cake under her block..

It's been 5years since anyone celebrated my birthday..

I told her I hoped to blow a cake under the stars..

I did today..

I blew the cake..

Under the brightest star I've ever knew..

The star of my life: =)) ..

I teared all the way home..

not of sadness..

not of pain from my tooth..

neither because I chose not to sail anymore..

but because of happiness..

and that she's always so tolerative of me..

when I become so unreasonable..

This very simple incident meant alot to me..

though she mentioned she will do this for anyone..

I made 3 wishes and per told..

Told her 2..

and told her i would say the last one in Binary form

My last wish:

01001001011001100010000001101101

01111001001000000011000101110011

01110100001000000111011101101001

01110011011010000010000001100100

01101111011001010111001101101110

00100111011101000010000001100011

01101111011011010110010100100000

01110100011100100111010101100101

00101100001000000100100100100000

01110011011010010110111001100011

01100101011100100110010101101100

01111001001000000111011101101001

01110011011010000010000001110100

01101000011000010111010000100000

01101101011110010010000001100100

01100101011000010111001000100000

01110111011010010110110001101100

0010000001100110011010010110111

00110010000100000011100110110111

10110110101100101011011110110111

00110010100100000011000100110010

10111010001110100011001010111001

00010000001100001011011100110010

00010000001101000011000010111011

00110010100100000011000010010000

00111011101101111011011100110010

00110010101110010011001100111010

10110110000100000011000010110111

00110010000100000011000110110111

10110110101100110011011110111001

00111010001100001011000100110110

00110010100100000011001100110000

101101101011010010110110

0011110010010111000100000

FYI: remember 8bits = 1 alphabet..

Dear thankew..

I love you..

O_X

O_X =))

2007-07-17T14:52:00.000+08:00

I'm in great pain..

root canal molar treatment yesterday..

1 hr and it cost $397.50..

that's a bomb..

And 3-4 more appointments on the way..

And that's excluding the Crowning..

which cost approx $500..

haiz..

-

My tooth is pain..

even when I'm not doing anything..

I can't talk much..

I can't eat when I'm hungry either..

My head's getting heavy..

Head's feeling hot..

Feeling very lathargic and sick..

argh..

pain!!!!

haiz

2007-07-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

She made my day..

Had the opportunity..

to meet up with my dearest =))..

As it was her girlfriend's birthday..

and I had promised her to lend her my camera..

I met up with her at Marine Parade to pass the camera to her..

accompanied her to Revenue Building..

Funny..

Everytime we part..

There's always an escalator or a flight of stairs..

haha..

Though it was a mere 1/2 an hour..

She made my day..

Sleeping in her arms..

on her lap in the cab..

looking like an overgrown baby..

I could feel the warmth..

the peace.. the serenity

like where's the fever gone to?

So after she left for dinner..

Went down to Velocity which is just opposite..

for dinner be4 heading home..

Ya so that was my evening..

It ended really well..

The sight of her..

the touch of hers..

simply turned my day around..

How can I live without her

O_X =))

2007-07-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was our 5th month..

Had only the morning to be with her..

Wanted to make it alittle more special..

So sprinted down to Raffles City to get a bouquet of flowers..

Her favorite Mrs Fields cookies..

and her beloved Salmon Sashimi..

Initially wanted to get the sunflower..

but it doesn't seem really nice..

So in the end decided on the usual ones..

but this time it's both white and pink petals..

As I reached Raffles City kinda early..

The florist was just opening..

So I had to wait an hour for my bouquet to be done..

So took a boring stroll ard city hall..

Waiting excitingly to get the flowers..

and rush down to vivo to meet =))..

So had lunch with her..

Then proceeded to the roof for a nap..

I was feeling very tired..

after abt 1/2 an hr..

It was time to bid farewell to her..

She's gonna work..

It's kinda sad to see her walk down that flight of stairs..

awaiting the task that will hurt her wrist..

I miss her all over again..

Initially had soccer at 5pm..

But was feeling unwell so headed home..

Popped a thermometer into my mouth..

39.3 degress Celcius..

Damn.. FEVER !!!

Popped 2 panadols and wanked into bed..

Hopping to get cured asap..

As i wanna go kayaking the next day..

Woke up perspiring like mad..

Can't sleep.. no appetite.. head feeling heavy..

and running a fever..

Hope the night of illness would be over soon..

Seems not..

Was unable to catch sufficient sleep last night..

Had a few nightmares which woke me up..

I hate fevers..

Had a long history of nightmares during naps whenever I had a fever..

So sec by sec I tried to catch some sleep last night..

How i wished she was here with me..

Woke up feeling a little better..

but stomachache came by..

and plagued my morning with the visit to the toilet..

Suddenly had the urge to puke..

So the kayaking deal with my classmates and =)) is off !!!

#%&*^%$%

dad found out I was sick..

did not allow me to go..

Thought of hiding away from him..

Too bad.. thanks to the vomit..

So now I am here suffering alone in my bed..

Not knowing wat to do in the afternoon..

The wound on my knee opened up..

my wrist started to hurt again..

Afraid of catching nightmares..

at the same time feeling sleepy..

am bedridden..

And I missing her badly..

She should be kayaking now I guess..

Hope nothing happens to her..

I need her

. . .

O_X =))

2007-07-14T08:04:00.000+08:00

Had a great time yesterday..

morning brought =)) along with me..

for the last day of the IODA Optimist Champ'ship..

Race started at 1030 and ended abt 213pm..

packed up and left nsc at abt 330pm..

ended up at vivocity..

Catch the new feature at sentosa - CINEBLAST !!!

NICE !!!

Ideal for those who are afraid of roller coaster rides..

but at the same time having the hunger to go on one..

After that took the cable car back to harborfront..

another green cabin.. haha..

Proceeded to Plaza Sing..

we were hunting for this first aid pouch for =)) girlfriend's bday..

But in the end she pre-ordered and bought a Mayday album..

for that Mayday Fanatic.. Happy Birthday Hui Xuan..

As both of our tummies were growling..

We had Cafe Cartel for dinner..

She had her usuals..

While I tried Black Pepper Pork Ribs..

Which did not turn out to be my liking..

but it's HUGE !!!!

At the same time..

Made a mess of my shirt..

Luckily I had the IODA event shirt..

So left for the toilet to shit and change..

She oso left the the toilet to shit and change..

So 2 of us same shirt same tan different toilet..

As the night was still young..

We intended to take a stroll along orchard..

maybe buy some cute cute stuff..

or some oink oink stuff..

but not any moo moo stuff.. haha..

Ended up at Heeren taking photos..

Man they were hilarious..

and i particularly love 3 of the photos..

she was hanging on the bars..

she used a heart shape and decorate us sitting down..

is the one that has a red wording on the back of our shirts

I am an Optimist

It was really a cute shirt..

Meant for kids but worn by a teenager and an old man.. haha..

After that sent her home be4 i headed home..

Tired and shack..

I can't blog last night but did it this morning..

Rounding up yesterday..

My highlights of yesterday..

=)) sitting at the bow of my boat with the orange buoy while I speed ahead..

- Taking photos of =)) doing everything

- Seeing her impression while driving up the trolley..

- Everything done at Sentosa..

- The cable car ride back to Harborfront..

- The conversation in the MRT from Harborfront - Dhoby Ghaut..

- The Cafe Cartel conversation..

- The IODA event shirt..

- The stroll along orchard..

- The photo session at Heeren..

- Trying my best to shout "I Love Soh Wan Ping" while she tries her best to stop me..

Basically EVERYTHING with her..

Yup..

I initially can't find anything to replace my passion - Sailing..

Now I found something:

=))

Thanks dear..

O_X =))

2007-07-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling rather disappointed with myself..

and i think i ought to be..

This relationship means alot to me..

thus i am sensitive to anything that happens..

this saturday is the 14th..

it's not just a date of any month..

or like any other special date that I will get super lucky..

but it's a date which I'm always looking to every month..

it signifies something very important to me..

as it was 14/2/07 that we started of..

for the first few 14th of each month..

we spent those days to ourselves..

be it just the normal tanning, cable car ride, and sky-dining..

Last month's 14th did not turn out great..

I made a stupid decision and..

cancelled the kayaking trip to get her wrist treated..

which resulted her in feeling dejected and disappointed..

which eventually ruined the whole day..

I told myself I'm going to make it up the next 14th..

seems like it's not going to come to past yet..

She's going to work from 3pm-1am..

so only the morning is free..

The thought of asking her to not work..

and spending time with me did pop out in my head..

though I knew it's really selfish to do that..

knowing that her parents only allows her to work on Saturdays..

and she also loves her work alot..

as it is where she can have fun with her colleagues..

eating and scooping ice cream..

The last time we quarrelled..

she did think of working..

it showed me that her work can relieve her from her problems..

that's how much her work means to her..

The thought of asking her to not work for me..

really shows how selfish i am..

even knowing it..

the thought simply just stays in my mind..

that's why i'm really disappointed with myself..

Though sunday is kayaking day with my classmates..

and she's going to love it I'm very sure..

but there's still so many people around..

I really love their company..

but I look forward to days whereby I can be with =)) alone..

No disturbances.. just fun peace joy and laughter..

Maybe because this week I've spent very little time with =))

and this saturday happened to be the 14th..

and only the morning is available for us..

Maybe I shld listen to her..

I shld take it as preparation for my NS.

We ain't going to see each other as often as now..

when I get into NS next year..

It's also the period of time when feelings for each other..

will be brought to the test..

it'll show how strong our love for each other is..

Anyway I just hope I can make saturday's morning worthwhile..

Looking on the brightside..

I'm really happy to know that my software team..

manage to overcome a problem that plagued them..

for a few weeks..

Thanks to =))'s and Angie's hardworking and persistence..

A huge load of burden was lifted off their shoulders for the time being..

At least they do not have so much stress prior to week15..

All they have to do now is understand Uart..

and explain to my Labview team..

which is progressing steadily despite of afew hardware problems..

Good job guys !!!

ENDURE !!!!

O_X =))

2007-07-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

1st day of IODA Asian Optimist Championships..

Boat given: NSC 8

Exactly the same boat given to me..

during the 420 and laser trophy few weeks back..

Helper issued: Glenn Ong..

Nice guy working at SingaporeSailing..

The wind was super good today..

Wind direction at 210 constantly..

Wind speed at 7-10 knots from 10am - 5pm..

Total No. of boats: 83.

Considered small fleet but highly competitive..

7 BFD aka Black Flagged..

So managed to bang in 4 races today..

It was a good day to sail i must say..

but at the same time..

I miss my =)) like crazy..

Can't stop thinking about her..

I just want to faster and get over with the races..

rush down to see her..

So met her at City Hall..

I was happy to see her..

and i meant HAPPY !!!!!

Bought her a keychain..

We went to TCC to have our dinner..

Only spent a short amount of time..

though would like to spend more time with her.

Still..

It ended my day on a high and positive note..

We joked, laughed, tickled, "suan" etc at each other..

I enjoyed myself..

I hope she does to..

Alright I'm shacked..

Tml's Applied Chem UT...

ZZZ..

ciaos

*miss-ed =))

O_X =))

2007-07-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I blogged..

Nearly forgot the address..

Well many things happened..

since I last blogged till now..

Negative things..

Positive things..

At least they make me realise many stuff..

Stuff that only surfaced when things go bad..

Am not going to elaborate on any of the (+) (-) things..

As I don't think I would like to make known..

Some things are better kept in the heart..

Anyway during the course of my MIA-ing..

I thoroughly enjoyed myself with my dearest =))

All I can say she's someones that motivates me alot..

Now I can say I'm much more confident in myself

compared to a 3-month ago me..

She's given me a sense of security and belongingness..

I came to learn and realise that

there is someone who gives a damn about me..

Who doesn't mind my nonsense and crappiness..

Who cheers me up when I'm down..

Who laughs at me when I'm being stupid..

Who makes my drink so exotic

Who gives me toothpicks to eat my cup corn..

Who goes tanning or cycling with me on nearly every weekend..

Who shows me the meaning of warmth through love..

Sometimes I feel bad when I get angry with her

whenever she angers me..

I'm simply afraid of losing her..

the slightest mistake and I'm really scared..

Now I'm afraid of is my birthday..

for the past few years..

Something will happen when my birthday approaches..

eg. quarrel with me dad, friend etc.

Maybe that's why I've never celebrated my bday for the past 5years +

As for tml, gonna go to the clinic to collect my x-ray..

plus the clinic called saying the doctor wanna talk to me..

After that I hope I can have lunch before =)) goes to work..

I'm praying nothing will happen to her when she works..

It's one of my greatest worries..

At 430pm meeting my usual soccer buddies..

7pm TV time.. the Earthly concert..

The next day..

Cycling with my classmates

- George, Michelle, Priscilla, Siying and my dearest =))..

It's gonna be fun !

expecting loads of laughter..

I'm gg to help out in the IODA Opti Championship..

on Monday, Wed and Friday..

It's a major international competition..

I wonder what's the doctor gonna say tml..

New news? Good news? Bad news?

Dear..

I love you deeply..

very deeply

O_X =))

2007-06-26T09:10:00.000+08:00

tears

tts wat is filling my eyes now

2007-06-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

60 seconds makes a minute..

60 minutes makes an hour..

24 hours makes a day..

7 days makes a week..

4 weeks makes a month..

12 months makes a year..

Still time is short...

Sometimes it seems so difficult to spend time with her..

Just the 2 of us..

I just hope to be able to spend time with you..

just the 2 of us..

I'm tired..

My head's dizzy..

My chest is pain..

All I need is you..

You always had ways to make them go away..

O_X =))

2007-06-19T09:14:00.000+08:00

Difference between a conversation in words and in vocal..

Vocally..

Both parties understand each other better..

Because feelings and behavior are shown..

There is a much higher tendency of accurate interpretation..

Words..

Feelings and tones are never shown..

Thus inaccurate interpretation is always inevitable..

The reader has to interpret the feelings and tones..

If you're lucky, you get the correct guess..

Otherwise.. A problem arises or mood changes..

That happened this morning..

Maybe I'm too sensitive..

Or maybe it's just me feeling this way..

Or it's both..

Hate silence..

2007-06-19T09:01:00.000+08:00

Words fallen on deaf ears..

I feel like a roll of toilet paper..

Unappreciated..

I was slammed by a big huge wall of anger on my face a few mins ago..

fuck man..

simply lost my mood..

fuck !

Had confidence for the day..

till now..

I try to be cheerful and joyful..

but it never pays back..

Instead someone just slam something on your face..

Am I the only one in the world who can't cheer u up?

others can i can't..

this ain't a good morning..

hope it doesn't linger throughout the day

2007-06-18T09:25:00.000+08:00

My back is hurting..

Again I couldn't sleep last night..

Woke up about 3 times..

Walking to school was quite a hassle..

Everytime my right tigh moves..

A sharp pain is accompanied..

Now I'm in class..

Feeling sleepy..

Awaiting a UT later..

Which I'm going to study soon..

Anyway =)) gave me my birthday present early..

The wrapper is so darn cute..

Blue.. A huge sailor bear.. with a small little sail boat..

I wonder what's inside..

Should I open? haha..

What a dumb question..

I'll try not tear the wrapper..

I know the gift is from Nautica..

One of my favourite brands..

But I rarely buy their products..

As the price is quite expensive..

Dear..

THANK YOU !!!

Tomorrow's ASS's birthday..

Ang Siong Swee aka Gabriel..

=)) and I has got a few ideas but ain't sure what to buy..

So we'll go present hunting later..

I'll end here..

Till tonight!!!

*pain

O_X =))

2007-06-17T11:26:00.000+08:00

Alright..

The pain due to the fall is killing me..

Firstly it was running, walking and sitting alone..

that's hurting..

Now I can't sleep either..

Every time toss and turn..

I would wake up..

Woke up about 9-12 times last night..

Between 12am and 7:30am..

It seems much worser..

Than the previous 2 times I had the same fall..

What do i really want now?

Been asking myself this question last night on the way home..

Been thinking hard last night when I couldn't sleep..

Firstly..

I want to have a happy family..

Whereby joys are shared..

Troubles are solved together..

Although sometimes I feel I'm being judge unfairly..

or I feel they don't understand me enough..

Still they are placed in a secret compartment in my heart with =))..

I know Ive let them down a couple of times..

but till now..

I'm living under their roof..

Eating their food..

and supporting me..

I should also do my part as a son to know their troubles

and make myself flexible..

And not start to hate them as they don't follow my plans or insights..

or when they make me unhappy..

Secondly..

I want to do well in my studies..

After my diploma and NS..

I hope to be able to enroll in a University..

Studying a degree either about psychology or marketing..

I wanna do this so that I can provide for my parents..

And my future family..

I wanna honour the both of these parties..

As they have given me their utmost support as I'm growing..

Thirdly..

I want a happy and peaceful relationship with =))..

To start a family with her in future..

To see her progress through her career and her family..

And I want to make her feel proud..

Last but not least..

I want to keep my promises.

*I will cherish you

*Lets not end everything but make everything happen

O_X =))

2007-06-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

Today was quite a day for me..

Woke up at 6am..

Had to reach Lower Peirce Reservoir at 0720..

I'm helping out in the Adventure Race Singapore '07..

So met up with Nafisah at 0645 at Tampines..

Before taking a cab down..

Met up with the IC - Jeffrey..

Some cool guy with a huge lizard tattoo above is left ankle..

I was stationed at start point at Upper Peirce Reservoir..

Ran from Lower to Upper roughly about 3km..

Did road marshalling there..

until all the racers from the Sprint category had passed..

After that had transport to Ngee Ann City..

which is the end point..

From there another IC - Jack..

Stationed 7 of us from clarke quay's reverse bungy all the way to Ngee Ann..

I was stationed at the reverse bungy..

On my way there on bike..

Fell down as the bike slipped..

Fell on my back of my hip..

And it hurts terribly now..

Walking, running, sitting with a sharp pain behind..

Anyway my responsibility..

Is to direct the racers to go up the pedestrian overhead bridge..

go down a long flight of stairs..

Turn right and head straight to the next junction..

So many racers but a few did not make it..

But met quite a few nice racers..

Gave them encouragement along the way..

The nice ones smiles back and say thank you..

Others are expressionless..

While others were too tired to say anything..

So after most of the racers passed..

Headed back to Ngee Ann City..

Met Nafisah..

Found out from her that..

There's a shop in Heeren that sells the LittleMiss & Mr. shirts other den NUM..

So made a sprint to Heeren..

Had to make it fast as it was 1705..

And I'm meeting =)) 1730 at Tangs busstop..

And I wanna give her a surprise..

It was a painful sprint with the sharp pain on my hip..

Went to the shop and found out so many different Mr & Little.Miss..

But was unable to find Mr Tickle which =)) wanted to buy..

Was thinking of bringing =)) to the shop itself so that she could choose..

Well the thought never came to pass..

At 1730, =)) has already reached Tangs busstop..

And I'm only going down the escalator..

So bid farewell the Nafisah..

Thanking her so much for telling me the shop..

As =)) would like it..

She ask me buy Miss Chatterbox for =))..

I was so excited to bring =)) over to the shop..

As she usually goes ga-ga over these stuffs..

So sprinted back to Tangs..

As I know =)) doesn't really like to wait..

Was so so happy to see =))..

As I missed her so much..

but the it took a turned..

When I wanted to bring her to Heeren..

Realised how much the trip to Korea meant to her..

Much more than I anticipated..

I was really very speechless by her reaction..

5% angry, 45% disappointed, 50% sad..

Sometimes you worked so hard in hope of getting good results..

but sometimes it's totally the other way round..

Yup it's very devastating..

But we can't have everything within our control..

Many things we can't control..

We have to do with what is available..

And be happy which is very uneasily attainable..

Anyways I'm not someone who ponders about the situation for too long..

No point complaining and pondering and complaining..

It still doesn't change the problem..

As =)) really wants to go Korea..

And is lacking in some areas and needs help and support..

I'm going to give my full support..

To help her achieve her aim..

At least like this I am confident..

That I will do something with all my heart and strength..

And hopefully see something good out of it..

So I've decided to try my best to save $20 a day..

Maybe grab a $1 sandwich at my sch's cafe every morning..

Eat bigger but lesser meals..

Spend lesser also..

Which my dad reprimanded me a few days ago..

Maybe find a job that allows me to work on only weekends..

And I sincerely hope that =)) can go for her Korea Trip..

And enjoy without any worries..

"Money is not the problem, lack of money is the problem"

*love you always

O_X =))

2007-06-14T09:19:00.000+08:00

(You Want To) Make A Memory

- Bon Jovi -

Hello again, it's you and me

Kinda always like it used to be

Sippin' wine, killing timeT

rying to solve life's mysteries.

How's your life, it's been a while

God it's good to see you smile

I see you reaching for your keys

Looking for a reason not to leave.

If you don't know if you should stay

If you don't say what's on your mind

Baby just, breathe there's no where else tonight we should be-

You wanna make a memory.

I dug up this old photograph

Look at all that hair we had

It's bittersweet to hear you laugh

Your phone is ringing, I don't wanna ask.

If you go now, I'll understand

If you stay, hey, I got a plan

You wanna make a memory

You wanna steal a piece of time

You could sing a melody to me

And I could write a couple lines

You wanna make a memory.

If you don't know if you should stay

And you don't say what's on your mind

Baby just, breathe there's no where else tonight we should be-

You wanna make a memory

You wanna steal a piece of time

You could sing a melody to me

And I could write a couple lines

You wanna make a memory

O_X =))

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

2007-06-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

So how was my day today?

Started out very moody..

I miss her badly..

I had to go for FYP early in the morning..

With a migrane stuck on my head..

With fear that hopefully it's not because of the bump behind my head..

Upon reaching..

Got scolded by my Supervisor..

Someone who's supposed to do a simple database for 9weeks+

Has not done yet..

Whether his/her laptop format or not..

Why he/she never backup???

Why ask me.. I'm not him/her..

And I don't want to be him/her..

who pms(es) as he/she wishes..

Nice Supervisor..

Who gave 3 of us tons to do..

Need to test 6 pairs of recievers and transmitters..

Connect a coin cell instead of AAA batteries..

Input mp3 waveforms instead of function gen..

In the evening got another scolding..

a minor one regarding about pin configurations again..

Managed to get myself back as the day progresses..

And now I'm so moody all over again..

Because of what I said that made someone feel zzz

Sometimes you'll just hate yourself after you have done it..

That's how I'm feeling now..

*I'm sorry I spoiled your evening

All my love ~ O_X

O_X =))

2007-06-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

In the morning..

Caught the movie - Men In White..

with =))..

It's a horror-comedy 92 min movie..

It's a very funny show..

Could hear several long laughters..

including =)) everlasting laughter..

She seemed so happy..

I understood 80% of the show..

-20% because the show was in both Hokkien and Chinese..

Which I suck at

So after the show..

Bought =)) her dinner - her fav sushi..

Thawed ourself ourside VivoCity before sending her to work..

It's never really nice to see her go up the flight of stairs/ escalator..

Not knowing what to do next..

And also not knowing how many more injuries she'll get..

also not knowing how tired she'll get..

though I know she enjoys her job very much..

The moment she left my hand and headed up the stairs today..

I started to miss her..

After that I was free the whole day..

Not knowing where to go..

As usual I let my legs decide the path it'll walk..

So my "spongebob-like" legs brought me to the MRT station..

A ride to City Hall..

After alighting from City Hall..

my so-called "singapore tour" began on foot..

Made my way to Esplanade..

Esplanade is one of my fav hangouts..

Not sure why..

It just gives me the feeling of serenity..

So hang there awhile before heading to Marina Square..

By then my stomach was growling..

But I really got no mood to eat..

My mind and my heart was in unison..

Thinking something else compared to my stomach..

Stomach thinking of food..

Heart and mind thinking of =))..

So from Marina Square to Suntec City..

Instead of buying food..

I bought 2 board shorts..

From Suntec City..

I walked to Plaza Sing..

Oh it was a long walk..

But when you're alone..

It seems rather short..

Walked Plaza Sing. for approx 15mins..

Got bored of the place and proceeded to Orchard Road..

Covered places like Paragon, Heeren, Taka, and Pacific Plaza..

Still felt bored, hungry, a little slpy & i *miss-ed her..

So after Orchard..

Walked to Bugis Junction..

Go jalan jalan awhile before heading home and that's using the train..

I think I covered at least 7km today..

Reached home and just gobbled down 2 slices of bread..

And now I'm here blogging..

and at the same time feeling very tired too..

Tomorrow morning FYP meeting..

Tony wanted to only meet up with mainly the software team..

but eventually changed his mind to meet the whole team..

Eventually only the my software and Labview ICs could make it..

So tml is 3 of us together with Donna and her team..

After FYP..

=)) going work again..

So most probably sending her to work..

After that..

I think my legs will do the walking again..

I doubt he'll walk so long again..

I ain't got any more energy after today's "tour"..

As for the following day..

=)) is gg K-box with her best friend..

I'm thinking =)) would be tired after FYP and work tml..

Health come first..

Thus I'm deciding whether to meet her..

And on Thursday.. the mark of 5months..

We'll be going kayaking at East Coast Park..

I'm looking forward to this day..

I do hope we can have the whole day to ourselves..

Just the 2 of us..

Getting very tired now..

Eyes keep shutting..

Vision getting blurer..

Gonna slp now..

Goodnight & Swt Dreams

O_X =))

2007-06-11T08:33:00.000+08:00

After 3 days of Race Management at National Sailing Centre..

and a tanning session with =))..

I'm burnt !!!

But I've enjoyed myself totally..

Being with the person of my life..

and the sport that I love to..

I'm currently wearing 2 pairs of spectacles..

A pair is removable while the other isn't..

Also I'm wearing 2 watches..

1 which can give me the time, date and day..

while the other just shows me a color..

So after yesterday's event..

went off to find =))..

Took me an hour but still could not find a cab..

Comfort and CityCab's system was down..

Thus the other smaller cab companies had more callers..

So it was even more difficult to call a cab..

Thankfully James was leaving NSC at about the same time..

And he gave me a lift to Vivo..

Otherwise I have no idea how to get to Vivo on time..

So after she finish her work..

We headed to Jacks Place at Marina Square for dinner..

Noticed so many people donning green..

Even =)) is also in green..

fondue and Anderson's was cancelled..

As =)) was "ice-cream-ed" the whole day already..

She had a favorite Lambchop and also ate one of my "brothers"..

I had chicken and mushroom spagethi..

chat-chat-chitty-chitty-chat-chat..

It was a great evening..

Anyways K-box today was cancelled..

As =)) would be K-boxing on Wednesday with her best friend..

Was initially disappointed as I really like seeing & hearing her sing..

She really seem happy and joyful whenever she holds the mic..

So it was replaced with a morning movie and lunch before she work..

Seems like I gonna find something to do in the afternoon again..

After Jack's..

Sent her home..

Both of us were feeling tired..

Both of us slept on the bus..

Made the bus trip seemed so short..

As usual I woke her up..

Sent her to her block and off I went home..

That's how my day ended yesterday..

Recently I asked her a question:

"What's your expectations of a boyfriend?"

Knowing that she's shy..

She replied: "When I know I'll tell you"

Well here's my expectations of a girlfriend:

It's fairly simple:

"Being able to accept who I am (original me)

Honest, a teacher to me, caring, being my pillar of support."

By far, =)) has already fulfilled them already..

That's why I'm really happy with what I have now..

So you'll ask,

Why "being able to accept who I am" or "Honest" or "a teacher to me"?

Well..

I know myself..

I ain't perfect, I ain't a good-looking guy..

Nor do I have an outstanding personality..

I do have many bad points or deemed as bad points to others..

Thus I feel being able to accept who I really am is important..

Many stumbled onto my path but because of this wall of acceptance..

they chose another path..

Secondly, why "Honest"?

I would say "why not?"

Who wants to live a relationship of lies..

I always compared being Honest and being Direct..

Personally, they are somewhat related but not entirely..

Both aspects can bring a person down and at the same time lift a person up..

But being Honest to me is a far more greater aspect to learn..

Honesty has it's directness..

You got to put away the fact that being honest with someone..

will sometimes hurt their feelings..

but you want to see a change in them..

Or you want them to know how you feel about them..

On the other hand being Direct is different..

Being Direct can be a form of sarcasm..

Directness can also be related to Honesty as..

If you want the person to know how you really feel..

You got to be direct..

But being direct can be just for teasing purposes..

(These are my personal opinions which may defer to yours)

Lastly, why "a teacher to me" ?

Some time back while helping out in a competition..

A much younger sailor compared to me was being assigned to me..

To help me in anything I need to do..

Though our age gap being like 5-6 years apart..

He taught me about the tides, currents etc.

Something that I'm not really sure of..

It made me improve in my Race Management skills..

This infact tells me that not only the people who are older are wiser..

but also people younger than me are also as equal as them..

Different people has different views about stuff..

Thus they do things differently..

So learning to me is essential..

I can learn stuff that I am new to..

So being able to teach me also is a good aspect..

Dear..

I know you'll see this one day..

You've fulfilled something not many people can..

Maybe other than you, only my 1st gf did..

That's why you're so special to me..

"True love is not by mouth but by the actions done."

That's why they say action speak louder than words..

You have shown me what love is..

I hope I can show you what my love for you really is..

Sometimes I really don't know if you know..

Love you always

~mooooo~

O_X =))

2007-06-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

Went suntanning with =)) at Sentosa today..

Weather was perfect to get a good burnt..

Sky was clear..

Sun was as hardworking as ever..

And many lobsters spotted all over the island..

So after tanning got a quick bath at Palawan Beach toilet..

As Siloso's toilet was full..

Proceeded to the Carlsberg Sky Tower..

=)) said she wanna sit again..

The last time we sat that was ages ago..

It was the first time we went Sentosa together..

Many sweet memories then..

This time the ride was much more pleasant..

As the sky was clear today,

Most buildings were sightable and Indonesia was very visible..

After Carlsberg-ing..

Headed back to Vivo via the monorail..

Headed for Makansutra at Esplanade for dinner..

Ordered our usuals - Happy Pot, Kang Kong, Bandung and Sugar Cane with lemon..

*munch munch munch..

Had the opportunity to see the National Day parade rehearsal..

This year's parade would be cool..

Saw the Apache, Chinook, Coast Guard petrol boats, Navy dingies all in action..

boats-water-boats-water-boats-water-FAVOURITE !!!

Not forgetting the Commandos free-falling too..

After dinner headed to Marina Square in search for a cap for =)) as she lost her ripcurl cap..

And I wanted to get a rashguard for the competition tomorrow..

So went cap hunting and ended up buying a red adidas cap at Suntec City..

But was not able to find any rashguard that appeals to me..

I saw the Valencia America's Cup T-shirt - $87+..

So wanna get it.. but so expensive for a T-shirt..

Brought her to Sky Garden, 3rd floor Suntec City, just beside Toys'r'us..

Took a stroll there and chat sweet-nothings..

Before heading to Rafflescity..

Bought her a Roxy Wallet..

Then sent her to the bus..

while i headed home..

Used up all my chances for the month of June..

And it's not even half the month yet..

DAMN !!!!..

Tomorrow after competition..

gonna have Anderson's fondue with =))

That's our dinner..

I'm looking forward for that !!!..

Love you loads dear..

O_X =))

2007-06-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

There's a limit to what an individual can do..

and it sucks..

If only everyone can do everything..

Everything wouldn't be so turned off..

Pride, integrity, honesty etc. all jeopardised..

And that's how the phrase:

"It takes 2 hands to clap"

come about..

Now so moody..

Mum lost her handphone and she complain and complain..

make me moody..

Like mother like daughter huh!..

Sis also lost her hp..

She lost my mum's hp and now my mum lost hers..

With this..

Lesser sms and more incoming calls from my mum..

Secondly..

Dad came home with a super bad mood..

Step in the house and started showing off his temper..

and noone knows what went wrong..

He just shouts at every little thing..

I asked him for a mini screw driver..

and he shouted at me it's in his drawer..

Lastly..

My darling =)) injured her wrist again..

the same wrist that we went to the doctor/physician to get it fixed..

This one made me moody and worried the most..

I know she loves her job..

And I wouldn't want to stop her from doing something she loves..

just like I wouldn't want someone to stop me from doing something I love..

But sometimes I just feel that the job is taking a toll on her body..

It always gets my heart pumping fast..

And my worrying-hormones reproduce faster..

Cuts, bruises, strains and sprains etc..

And yet I can't be with there for her..

* if only I can be there just before she gets hurt and prevent it from happening..

Yup that's my biggest "if" that I just wanna fulfill..

* if i can only be limitless *

O_X =))

2007-06-08T20:52:00.000+08:00

Today was a rough day for me..

Helped out in the 420 Championship & Laser Trophy again..

They replaced my initial helper with young kid - Ignatius Tan..

So stubborn..

Don't want to do mark rounding and he's alittle bias..

Plus he's so talkative..

So the start of the day wasn't so nice..

Sea in the morning between 10am - 12pm was rather calm..

Dark clouds soon formed at the South-West of Singapore..

Which brought a 13-16knots wind..

accompanied by massive waves and currents..

Perfect sailing conditions..

So we set our course pronto pronto..

Quickly ran a race..

After Race No. 1..

the wind dropped to about 6-8 knots..

plus the wind shifted from 210 to 260..

So pronto pronto shifted all the marks..

I shifted my pin-end and chop chop Race 2 started..

which was also the last race of the day..

Ignatius was begging me to send him back..

So after all the 4 starts was finished..

Took my bouy and left that boy at the jetty before returning to race site..

Peace on my boat at last..

That's how my day went..

I had a casualty..

My personal tape recorder dropped into my boat filled with water..

Can't work..

Now waiting to dry.. zzz..

Secondly.. my wrist had a cut..

Most probably was pulling anchor and accidentally got cut..

That's all..

My dearest =))..

She bought something for me for my birthday..

She's not telling me..

I hope it isn't costly..

As she still has a Korea trip to go..

plus she has not bought alot of things for that event..

The last thing she bought for me which gave me the greatest shock..

Was during Vday..

She bought me a wallet costing nearly $200..

Noone other than my family or relatives had bought me such a costly present..

She's the first..

I hope she did not spend much!!!..

Ever since she came into my heart..

she managed to tweak and twirl my life..

filled my life with joy and wholeness..

Suddenly i feel my life being much livelier then before..

I've tried many new things - sky dining, leisure camping etc.

What more can I ask for?

Can I make her life interesting, the way she made mine?

Always loving you..

*miss-ed

O_X =))

2007-06-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

I had a great 2 days with =))..

On Wednesday morning..

Brought =)) along with me for the sailing competition..

I was doing Pin-End..

Not a position which I'm accustomed to..

But there was a shortage of manpower..

At least I am the driver of the boat..

Been a long time since I drove one..

Anyways..

The boat assigned to me - NSC 8..

SUX..

It's a metal hull and a very light boat..

So when the boat hits a wave..

The bow will fly up high in the air and slam on the water hard..

So I'm my boat sat 3 other people..

Mr Loo.. Vidthia and my dearest =))

I think both Vidthia and =)) got rather bored..

So after the sailing event..

=)) and I left for Parkway Parade..

We had our dinner at Fish and Co.

After dinner..

Walked to East Coast Park..

Whereby our 1st camping trip would be held..

So we managed to fine a spot after walking for quite a distance..

Pitched our tent..

And waited for sunset..

=)) managed to catch some sleep that night..

I on the other hand woke up a couple of times..

I guess I loved to look at =)) sleeping..

She simply looked so cute and adorable..

Anyone would be smittened by the sight of her..

So the night passed..

From dusk to dawn..

We woke up at about 8+..

Packed up and headed to Burger King for breakfast as =)) was hungry..

After that she came to my house to rest..

As she was feeling rather tired..

Plus our k-box outing with our classmates were cancelled last min..

And we had nothing to do..

So she slack over at my place until about 4+..

Left for Bedok Interchange..

Brought her to the hawker center..

Bought the huge watermelon + fruits, fried oyster..

Eat eat eat..

Before heading town to catch a movie - Oceans 13..

After the movie..

Went over to Haagen Dazs at Centrepoint..

=))'s cousin is working there..

Had ice-cream and a drink before heading home..

So this was what happened during these 2 days..

I thoroughly loved the camping..

It's my/our first camping trip together with my own tent..

I so wanna go again..

Just the 2 of us..

Under the stars..

In 1 little tent..

Trying to scare away the mosquitos with a few mosquito coils..

Sleeping in each others' arms..

It's just so nice..

But cannot go too often..

Otherwise my dearest =)) would say I am a boring person..

*promise-ed remembered

O_X =))

2007-06-05T23:02:00.000+08:00

O_X =))

2007-06-05T19:39:00.000+08:00

I lost my self-confidence once again..

I built a tower and crushed it..

Everything went wrong..

It's all my fault..

I'm feeling rather alone..

Is there anyone out there who gives a damn about me?

- silence -

I feel neglected..

I've tried..

I've pursued..

I've given..

I'm weakened..

I've bled..

I've teared..

But it doesn't seemed enough..

What's enough?

O_X =))

- slowly doubting myself -

- you were the best i've got,

i'm the worst u got. -

2007-06-01T21:05:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt uneasy..

After someone told you an incident..

which happened to them..

That story actually instilled fear into you..

Making you worry and resulting in you thinking very far..

though it may or may not happen to you?

It did for me..

A friend of mine told me about a tiff he had with his gf..

One major quarrel and they nearly permanently broke off after a 4 years relationship..

He told me what had happened..

He admitted that he too was at fault..

But his gf also was at fault too..

Giving-in to him was like 2nd nature during their relationship..

It was only when he could not tolerate giving-in too much that he blew his top..

He told me that he's given everything he can ever give into the relationship..

Hoping for the best..

But it always turn out invain..

I know him well..

He's someone very mature in thoughts..

Maybe alittle career-minded..

He also told me that if ever break with his gf again..

He would not want to find one ever again..

He said it's mentally and physically tiring..

Whatever that he said..

Though has no bad intentions towards me..

Simply affects me..

I'm overly thinking whether she will choose not to walk the path with me..

in other words.. she chooses to leave me..

I'm clear about myself..

I'm really seriously in love with =))..

I've never loved someone so much before..

I'm really taking my relationship very seriously..

I'm extremely sensitive towards her..

Constantly thinking about her

Thinking if she's safe..

If she's hungry..

If she's feeling ok..

How's she doing..

Wondering am I overdoing it.,

I've given everything I can ever give..

though sometimes it feels it's not enough..

though it sometimes has taken a toll on me mentally and physically..

though sometimes i feel very low when her words puts me down..

or sometimes when it seems like she prefers talking to others compared to me..

It all doesn't matter..

I just wanna do something for her..

I just wanna know she's fine..

I believe it's my history and past experiences that made me what I am now..

When I was young, I wasn't as lucky as most children..

I did not have the freedom most kids have..

I was refrained to buy my favorite toy, food or any other thing..

subsequently I felt very unhappy and have this very uneasy feeling..

I am very sure that's why now i'm so protective and sensitive over what she wants..

I do not want her to feel the way I felt..

Cause it felt terrible..

Was at the airport a few hours ago..

Fetch my dad who came back from Vietnam for a business trip..

The last few trips to the airport wasn't the same as the previous hundred ones before..

This few ones gave me a different feeling..

=)) is going to Korea for 10days maybe more..

The first time she's going overseas since we started our relationship 4.5months ago..

While waiting for my dad..

I was thinking of will she come back safely..

though it's a plane, it's still just metal and plastic, it's never 100% safe to fly..

A pilot once told me:

"Same plane, same joystick, same crew, same runway. But every departure is a new one"

It's the first trip she's gg overseas..

Absence makes the heart goes stronger..

Only 2days and i feel very moody without her..

how about 10days..

And the subsequent trips she goes overseas?

For quite some time..

I've been wondering why my mum cries when my dad goes overseas..

Today I found the answer myself..

I found the answer by a tear drop..

Alike my mum, I really love =)) alot..

All I want is just to see her come back home safely..

Regardless if she's coming back with a change of heart..

Or some news that is unfavorable to me..

I just wnat her to come back safely..

It's only the start of June..

2 more months before she flies..

And I'm thinking too much..

I'm just ready to let everything go just for you..

Now it's 11.07pm..

I'm very worried..

Where is she..

What is she doing?

*miss-ed *want-ed *love-ed *uncondtion-al *worri-ed

O_X =))

2007-05-31T01:13:00.000+08:00

Ten Commandments

These are the ten commandments.

Supposed to be obeyed/ followed by all christians round the world..

It's a way their life should be followed..

Something like a basic necessity..

Even non-christians also follow somewhat some of the commandments..

Especially the ones on the right - MAN

If non-christians are able to do that..

So should christians..

I've seen many friends who proclaim themselves religious christians..

who claim they seek their God's help fervently..

Yet they can't follow just 10 commandments..

Two simple examples:

5. Honor Your Father and Mother

9. Do Not Lie

Although I'm not familiar with the bible..

I don't think that the bible did state:

Only follow the commandments under "so-and-so circumstances"

Did not remember any *terms and conditions apply..

White lies or black lies or rainbow lies..

Or whether our mum and dad has to treat us towards our favor before we respect them..

I've been in the Boys' Brigade before..

It's a christian organization..

Bible study is somewhat compulsory..

And i did that for 5 years..

Thought I'm not a christian myself..

But I know some facts well..

I once viewed a christian as someone that is of very high qualities..

but ever since quite a few incidents that happened..

Maybe it was a total showoff..

Not all of them are the same..

Some only speak and type..

But actions still speak louder than words..

Only when trouble comes hopping their way into their lives..

Then they call help for God..

When all goes well..

They are just who they are..

Someone once told me:

Only repent if you are determined to change, otherwise forget it.

It's as good as dieting.

O_X =))

Yo Ho (A Pirates life for me)

2007-05-30T00:50:00.001+08:00

YO HO !!!

2007-05-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

Just To Be With You

I lose myself

in your beautiful eyes

I cant pull away

even if I wanted to try

Your perfect

in every way

The thought of you

just makes my day

You came to me

from the heavens above

You flew in on wings

my angel of love

When nothing seems

to go quite right

and I no longer

can see the light

I look upon

your angelic face

and I'm taken away

to a far better place

I cherish

every word you've said

You move me

like the music I play in my head

In this world of false truths

I know only one thing true

I'd give up everything

just to be with you.

O_X =))

2007-05-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

... ...

Everything did not turn out good these past few days..

but thankfully with the love and respect and support of a few people..

things did turn out better at the end of the day..

Still I'm furious over certain issues..

I made up a philosophy today.

"Majority of human beings are selfish, minority are selfless"

Yesterday my dearest =)) and I went to an accupuncture therapist..

As she sprained her wrist..

Most probably due to her job at Haagen Daz..

I'm so proud of her..

She reluctantly took the offer of getting her hand "burnt" with alcohol and fire..

She had to endured the excruciating heat for about 10-15 times..

The heat was to loosen up her muscles and nerves so that it could relax..

Thankfully nothing was wrong with her bone..

After those burning and more burning..

The guy applied medicine on her arm..

It felt very very hot too..

So waited for 30mins before the guy came to massage her hand..

She did feel better which was a good sign..

He advised her to get a wrist guard or wrap it with anything..

So after the session, we headed off to hunt down a bandage..

From near the surburbs of the Subordinate Courts..

We walked as fast as possible to Peoples Park Complex's Watsons as it was getting late

Turn out that they do not have.. zzz

So made a quick walk to People's Park Centre..

Same result..

Sprinted to Pearl Centre..

Same result.. was already panting by the time i reached there..

Was already quite pissed.. Pharmacy and they don't sell bandages !!!

Maybe it was also because I was very dead worried and determined to get the bandage..

And it was like 9.00pm already..

The Watson's sales personel told us to try Guardian @ Chinatown Point..

I was like WHAT !!! We just started our hunting trip from there..

Thankfully we did not wait for the bus..

Upon reaching our destination..

I squeezed every ounce of energy and sprinted to Guardian to find it closed..

There were 2 sales person there..

They just closed the shutters..

I begged them that all I need is a small bandage..

They gave me a stern - NO! They close at 9pm..

But we only reach at about 9:09pm, just 9mins late..

I continued to plead but still the same result..

Was already furious by then..

Can't they just let me get 1 bandage.. I even told them it was an emergency..

They just simply stood their ground..

So headed off to find the security guard for a first aid kit..

Worst.. he told me they do not have a first aid kit.. wtf..

So decided to head back to VivoCity to get it there as the shops there close later..

Either I'm jinxed or what.. I can't get the bandage at Chinatown..

there wasn't an ATM machine at Chinatown Point..

Had to make a huge detour round Chinatown Point to another building to draw $$$..

By the time I boarded the cab..

I was literally breathless and was having quite a bad headache..

But I did not mind as at least I can do something for her..

But was just furious about the guardian sales personel's actions.. (my philosophy)

Upon reaching Vivo..

Found out that Giant don't have bandage too..

Yet they call themselves GIANT..

As soon as tt happened..

I thought I'm such an unlucky person..

Was getting very worried that I might not get the bandage..

I NEED to get it..

Thankfully the ever lucky =)) suggested Guardian at lvl1..

So once again.. sprinted upstairs to Guardian..

Thank God it's opened..

So bought the bandage and borrowed a scissors..

Wrapped dear's wrist and sent her home..

Dear I'm really sorry I raised my voice at you while wrapping your wrist..

I was too carried off and worried.

So sent her home before I went home..

Reached home and got scolded by my dad..

Supposed to reach home at 1030pm to fix his computer..

but was late..

in the end spent just 5mins to get it fixed..

DAD.. U FORGOT TO ON 1 POWER SWITCH !!!!!

Today..

Forgot to bring the laptop charger..

So by 1st meeting I had already used up the batt..

Noone in class wanted to lend me their charger..

As it was not compatible or they did not bring their batteries..

Haiz..

So ended up reading my consumer book..

But my stupid laptop played a trick on =)) and started hanging..

So she borrowed my only resource left..

And I was left with nthing..

I felt totally empty..

No laptop accessm.. No reference for UT later.. No resource..

Felt really lousy.. did feel that noone cared for me..

It wasn't my day really.. everything did not turn out well during the week..

So decided to go CWP to deposit $$$ and take a stroll moreover I was left with nthing..

and everyone was doing work..

When I was about the walk down the staircase to the pathway to the bus stop..

Saw both buses to interchange just left..

Am I that jinxed??? wtf..

So made my way back to school library half-heartedly and borrowed a consumer behavior book..

And started reading..

Found some useful information..

As usual.. flunk my 2nd UT today..

No 6p reference.. zzz..

In the evening..

Ate iciban sushi with dear at CWP..

After tt went to the arcade..

I wanted to try out that soft-toy catching machine..

DAMN !!! OUT OF ORDER !!!!!

I am so so so so so UNLUCKY !!!!

In the end send her up the bus and left for home..

and here I am blogging..

Majority of Human beings are selfish..

they rather think of themselves then others..

regardless of how much disadvantages others will achieve..

they don't really give a damn about you..

but expect you to give a damn about them..

as for the minority.. these people are rare..

maybe Jesus, Gandhi and Mother Theresa..

Where would I put myself in?

That's for other's to judge..

I judge others.. so should others judge me..

Where would you put me?

Always love you =))

O_X =))

2007-05-22T09:20:00.001+08:00

Weighed down

Stress is filling in me..

A phobia sets in..

Studies, Final Year Project, Professional Profiling..

Basically.. school..

I’ve failed once..

I’ve let many people down including myself..

I was a fool then..

Not now, but it’s really building stress in me..

I’m afraid one day I might loose my cool..

And I’ll hurt someone..

Someone most dear to me..

It’s by far the last thing that I would do..

But I’m afraid that it’ll just come out of me..

I’m thankful to some friends who has helped me..

Encouraging me, giving me support and giving guidance..

They are the ones who has been with me since secondary school..

Thanks guys..

I would like to thank the most is someone dearest to me - =))

She’s the one of the few reasons why I am still surviving,

striving and struggling..

She’s the source of my strength, the answer to my unreasonable prayers,

the only one that has taught me the true meaning of being loved..

I know that I’m someone quite not up to her expectations..

I know I’m not the best boyfriend she ever had..

Or she may someday may loose interest in me..

Or … (as the list goes on)

I’m living each day for her..

I’m determined to give her the best I can ever give..

To see her grow up to be the best she can ever be..

Death has an evil way of robbing Life..

One min ago you may be alive..

the next min you’re in the obituaries..

It robs away everything you planned for the future..

every thing not yet done ..

every promise kept was broken..

every resolutions not yet met..

every plan not yet carried out..

When we reach up above there..

We ask ourselves, what have we not yet done..

We’ll break down and cry for those things not yet done..

Thus now..

I’m going to live my day like it’s the last..

Studying hard, giving and providing her the best

with the best I can ever give..

I’ll overcome all obstacles..

even if it takes my pride, my integrity or my life..

Just incase I may not able to see dawn after dusk..

Dear,

I can say “I love you” till you get irritated and numb..

But it’s the only few words I can say..

Remember the first time I said something in your sleep..

I meant every word and alphabet in it..

I don’t care how many negative aspects you have..

It’s you that I love and will cherish..

Not the positive aspects..

I would trade my happiness to see your smile and giggle..

To see you become someone your family and friends are proud of..

I know sometimes I maybe stubborn..

I’m deeply sorry if I ever made you feel dejected or pissed off..

It’s totally fine if you vent all those frustrations at me..

Today was the earliest I ever came to school..

Reached woodlands interchange at 730am..

For the sake of my stupid laptop..

That’s the sacrifice you need to take..

To accommodate the ever long queue the IT helpdesk has..

Dear.. I love you so much..

So much till you’ll never know how much..

It’s totally fine if you loose interest in me one day..

Cause I’m not a very good boy..

Every morning is a challenge to open our eyes..

To be alive

Hope I’ll be able to make it pass the night.

I’ll live each day like it’s the last.

Love you always..

O_X =))

2007-05-20T00:22:00.000+08:00

"The future belongs to those who believes in the beauty of their dreams"

Have you ever been so immensely worried over someone

that it affects your sleep, your mood, your everything?

I'm not sure about you, but..

Personally, I do..

I have never got so worried in my life over someone before..

Though it's only a short trip out of class to refill water..

Or a trip to the canteen with her friends..

Or her routine weekend part-time job..

Or going out with people whom I also know etc...

I still get worried..

I wonder why..

Even when my own sister did not come home for 2 nights..

nor did my 2 previous girlfriends did the same thing..

did I even get THAT worried..

I'm worried people will make her angry and stuff..

Worried that she'll be teased or taken advantage off..

because she's so cute and adorable to everyone..

When it starts to drizzle..

I'll message her to be careful..

Though I believe it'll get a little bit irritating as time goes on..

I still do it..

Sometimes I wonder if she feels irritated..

Knowing sometimes she gets irritated..

Just that she doesn't wanna tell me incase I get hurt or soemthing..

I guess I care for her alot.. alot more then anyone else..

but

Am I being over protective???

I hope not..

I just want her to do whateva she wants..

Be the "self" she wants to be..

While having a night stroll at Esplanade this evening..

I chanced upon an elderly couple..

They asked me about directions to Suntec City..

Since I had no particular destination to go..

I decided to bring them to Suntec City..

They were so loving..

The elderly man was grabbing my hand and his walking stick..

While the woman was grabbing his other arm..

We paced across the road to Marina Square very very carefully..

as it was drizzling..

Thankfully that I did speak some mandarin in school..

Otherwise I wouldn't be able to understand what they are speaking to me..

They asked me whether I was married..

Whether I got a girlfriend.. where I am studying..

what am I doing at esplanade.. how old I am and stuff..

In return I asked them about where they are from as they won't locals..

whether they are on holiday.. where they stay..

how long they will be staying in Singapore.. how they find Sg etc.

It was a nice conversation..

The 30mins slow-paced journey seemed like 5mins..

It felt like I knew them for years and we were catching up with each other..

Upon reaching Suntec City..

They insisted on treating me a drink at the food court..

After much insisting and resisting..

I relented as they keep grabbing my hand..

So we went to the food court.. and I ordered a hot milo..

simple drink.. they ordered their food and started chatting away again..

Topic after topic until they told me how they met each other

and how they got married..

It was kinda nice.. 6 kids in total..

14 grandchildren..

And they are still able to travel to Sg by themselves at the age of 81 !!!

They shared their life with me but I got nothing for them..

So i gave a little excuse say I got stomachache need to go loo awhile..

Headed to the nearest gift shop selling chocolates at 1st floor

Bought them some chocolates and had it wrapped and faster rush back..

When I gave them.. same thing.. the resisting and insisting dilemma..

This time they relented.. but i swear i did not grab their hand..

They say I naughty.. lied to them about gg to toilet.. oops..

After that we parted ways..

Never had such an experience before in my life..

My 1st.. and hopefully more to come..

other then the resisting and insisting part..

Not used to that.. it felt funny...

On the way home..

Was pondering if me and =)) be like them..

So nice.. sweet and simple..

They too had their fair share of troubles before and after marriage..

they even told me those but ended up laughing..

The woman reminded me of =))

as she constantly giggle and laugh at the slightest joke..

Anyway..

Chelsea won the FA Cup after extra time..

Thanks to Drogba..

Guess Ashley would be sad..

coz AIG lost to Samsung Moble..

according to speculations.. AIG stands for Ashley Is God..

lol..

Anyways..

Goodnight dear..

Goodnight to that couple..

O_X =))

2007-05-18T10:16:00.000+08:00

Just submitted my FYP report.

Though I don't think it's a job well done..

at least 1 lesser burden..

Yesterday did not go smoothly..

Flunk my UT..

Hate to do it on paper while everyone was typing away..

Prefer typing to writing..

It's faster and easier to edit..

At least it's my perception..

After UT went out with =))..

Had an argument with her over a small article in the New Paper..

It didn't ended well..

2 of us had 2 different views..

Being the old stubborn me - cowlike behavior

I blew the little issue into a huge one..

After the matter subsided..

Fear filled my mind..

A fear of loosing not losing..

there's a difference..

I was disappointed with myself..

I cried secretly..

Managed to elude her senses..

Should have not been so argumentative..

I'm a guy.. I should be more gentle to people around me..

I did told her it'll not happen again.. yet it did happen again..

I won't blame her for saying that..

It was totally my fault..

I felt really lousy...

Went to many stalls at Vivo hope to get something for her..

NUM, Ripcurl, Pull&Bear etc.

9/10 shops no size.. or not available..

in the end bought her a ripcurl shirt and a pull&bear elmo shirt.

Had Carls Jr before i sent her home..

Went to Bedok Reservoir for a walk before heading home..

it's been a long time since i did that..

It was rather refreshing..

Hearing the crickets and frogs croaking away..

Feeling the breeze blowing at my face..

Reflecting what had happened yesterday...

Everything did not go well..

UT, relationshoip, shopping..

And I kept blaming the day - 17th May.,

blaming the UT, blaming the shops..

except myself..

Selfish and childish behavior..

But I realise it boils down to myself..

It's me that decides how the day goes..

It's what I do, what i say..

that decides how the day is being ran..

Reached home at abt 12..

I'm really happy to be with her..

God (to no specific one in particular)

Thanks for this wonderful partner you placed in my path..

The most beautiful creation to me..

Thank you..

This morning..

Woke up from a dramatic pillow slam on my head..

Thanks ah !!!

Well.. I deserved it..

It's 725am and i'm still home..

haha..

Thanks for the donut dear..

Later gonna go watch Blades of Glory..

Looking forward to it..

End here..

Love you always

O_X =))

2007-05-17T17:08:00.000+08:00

Flunk my UT of my favourite module - Consumer Phsychology..
zzz..
Really no mood man..
Studied hard.. had high expectations..
Now all this expectations just crumbled down..
ARGHHHHHHHH
Thanks to my beautiful laptop..
It's not as fast to write the answers then to type it out..
stupid laptop can't open UT client..
I'm suspecting of a virus in my laptop..
haiz.. i feel like shit now..
can someone just hit me with my laptop...
arghhhhhhhhh